HOLIDAY UPDATE :

 Breaking News :


The United Working Elves Union of the North Pole, (local#42) have called a strike against Santa Claus & Claus Inc., citing sweat shop labor ethics of Claus & Claus Inc., unpaid wages, cuts on Health benefits, and an abusive drunken supervisor bedecked in jolly red suit and white beard, who is often absent or sleeping off a hangover in the janitors closet.....Additionally,word on the street is that Santa Claus has absconded with the Tooth Fairy.....Rudolph and his Rednose reindeer were not available for comment.

I'll keep you posted on all developments.....

Season's Greetings !

 

 

 THE POWER OF POSITIVE THINKING

 

(Part One) 

 

by W. Zorn

1.) If you find yourself in the middle of a war, you should :

... a.) duck & run for cover.
b.) Take that lump out of your pocket & throw it.
c.) Think positively !
2.) If you're homeless & living in the northeast in winter, you should:

a.) Try to find an all night Dunkin' Donuts & nurse that first cup o' coffee all night long.
b.)Try to find a homeless shelter that will let you in. In case you are in NYC, make sure you have all your documentation together, to prove you have nowhere else to go.
c.) Think positively ! Imagine yourself on some island (preferrably carribean) resort & reach up & pick that orange off that tree. *

[ *See & Read Anton Chekov's short-story, "Ward Six"]

3.) If the doctor informs you that your second leg needs to be amptutated due to bone cancer, you should :

a.) watch a comedy on DVD.
b.) Smile & say , "Why Thank you, God, for giving me this gift for you must surely love me."
c.) Think positively

4.) Your best friend dies in a car accident. You should :

a.) Cry until the cows come home.
b.) Think about how now you won't have to listen to her Cassandra-like complaints & be thankful.
c.) Think positively ! She's in a better place than you are.

5.) You've been laid off your job, you're unemployment has run out, and now, you're in foreclosure. You :

a.) Start a local Occupy movement to stop the eviction.
b.) Have a couple of doubles and smoke some pot.
c.) Think positively ! (as your belongings are carted out to the curb & there is one more empty house that no one can afford to buy.)
d.) Send a thank you note to the bank.

6.) You get a second water bill for the quarter totalling $400. Even though you know you haven't used that much water, you:

a.) Call city hall & make a stink.
b.) Smile, pull out your cheque book & write a check, even tho' you won't be able to pay your next mortgage.
c.) Think positively ! God must really love you to have given you this burden.
d.) Tear your clothing off, run out into the street, screaming, in hopes they'll give you a nice little vacation, and not for free, w/ drugs included, in the local bug house.

THINK POSITIVE !